Damn Alphas
by LetMeBeYourHero
Summary: For whatever reason, Dean feels off. Maybe that dream with Eve meant something? Whatever it was, he doesn't feel the same. Maybe...maybe some alpha shifter really did do something to him...(Destiel)
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Hello my lovely people. I know, I haven't written for like two days, and already another story? Yay me.

Enjoy :)

-LetMeBeYourHero

* * *

_"Its not over, Dean Winchester." _

_"Who are you?" Dean barked, gripping tightly to that little demon-slaying knife. He jumped around constantly, looked behind him, all around, but could only see the tall, dark trees that loomed over him. He was breathing rapidly, as if he had just run a marathon, but all he could remember was searching for that disembodied voice._

_"Don't you remember?" The voice laughed. It was definitely female, though that didn't really narrow down his list of possible suspects. As he searched through all the possible girls he knew that were dead or had the potential to be haunting him, she said, "Aw, I thought we really had something."_

_"Trust me sweetheart, you wouldn't be the first girl to think that," Dean smiled hesitantly._

_"But I'm sure I made a real impression."_

_He felt a pinching sensation on his neck, and he winced, lifting a hand up. He brought it back down, and his jaw set to see blood. He placed his hand back over the wound, feeling two distinct holes where the blood was coming from._

When was I bitten there?_ He thought hard, and his eyes widened._

Diner. Oregon.

_"Eve."_

_"So you do remember! Then you remember how rudely you took me down? I was only having a little fun."_

_"What do you want, you evil bitch?!" Dean yelled, looking around a little less hopefully. He couldn't kill her again with the toothpick in his hand, and he hadn't exactly filled up on Phoenix ash recently. Nonetheless, he added fearlessly, "Come out and face the heat!"_

_"I want revenge," she whispered, and he swore it was like she was right next to him, talking straight into his ear._

_He jumped. "And how exactly do you plan to get it? Last I checked you were snuggled up back in sweet old purgatory."_

_Dean was bluffing. He had no idea what had happened to Eve after that night. Frankly, he had thought she slithered back into her hole, or that Castiel had put her there back when he released all the other souls. But knowing she was back and kicking, it didn't exactly sit right in his stomach._

_"I may be locked up still, talking to you through dreams..." she sighed._

_Dean let out a sigh of relief. _Just a dream.

_"...but a lot of my children are still out there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the perfect moment to...pounce." She cackled, and the sound made Dean grip his knife harder._

_"None of them can really hurt us. We've already ganked your Alphas. The others are just countryside picnics compared to them." He laughed slowly, spreading his arms out. "What's the worst you can possibly throw at us?"_

_There was silence for a moment, then Eve replied, "You hunters are so...naive sometimes." Dean frowned. _That can't be good._ "Do you actually think I'd only make one Alpha of my babies, and give you the ability to end a race just like that?" She laughed again. "That's adorable."_

_Dean swallowed hard. "So what, you're going to set them all on us? We'll be ready sister." He wasn't so much saying it as a threat but more as a reassurance to himself. Taking down one Alpha was no skip down the yellow brick road, and practically asking for who knows how many on your ass? That's like asking for suicide._

_"Oh I'm not going to let them get killed. Unlike a lot of other now dead idiots, I don't underestimate you and your brother, especially now that you have that pesky angel back to craddle you two." Dean could feel her smiling through the darkness, and it set him on edge moreso than he already was. "Instead, I'm going to take what is so precious to you. Something you overlook so much." Eve laughed. "It will be very fun to watch you cope, Dean Winchester. Say hi to Sam and dear old Castiel for me please."_

_And that is when Dean woke up._

* * *

Dean stood in front of the sink, washing his face with cold water, squeezing his eyes tightly at the thought of Eve.

_What did she do?_

He tried to think about what was so important to him, Dean Winchester, but nothing came to mind that he would "overlook". The more he thought about it, the more it creeped him out. Sure, he felt a little different, but that could also be from the fact he hadn't had a drink in seven hours.

Dean decided it was best to just forget about the dream and he walked to the fridge and pulled out a beer. He grinned to himself as he popped the top off, and just as the glass rim touched his lips, he heard a gun being cocked behind him. More specifically, it was Sam's gun. He could tell by the little extra click he always heard from that thing whenever they were fighting, or when Sam would nervously mess with it.

"Who are you?" Sam said behind him, his morning voice sounding rough, and Dean furrowed his eyebrows, turning around to face him. His brother looked angry, his eyebrows pushed together and his arms stiff, holding the gun up, pointing straight at Dean's forehead just two feet away, and still dressed in pajamas.

"Who do you think I am?" Dean asked, but it wasn't him that asked it. But it was. Yet, instead of hearing his gruff, manly, tired morning voice, he sounded...actually squeaky. "What the hell..."

"As I said: Who. Are. You." Sam growled, evidently pissed from being woken up. He glanced back at the other motel bed where Dean had been sleeping. "And what did you do with my brother?"

"Look Sammy, it's me. It's Dean." He said forcefully, but this time he was sure the voice was not his. But he was producing those words, he was the one saying it. "I don't know what happened, but we can sit down and figure this out without sticking guns in people's faces, alright?"

Sam smirked humorlessly. "Right, and Dean magically transformed from my brother to my sister."

Dean looked at him weirdly. "Sister? We don't have a sister, genius."

Sam frowned, his jaw stiffening, and made a quick motion with his gun, and then Dean was on the floor, out cold.

* * *

Dean woke up in the hotel room, but it was dark, and he was tied to a chair. He frowned and attempted to wriggle free, but then a light snapped on. He blinked and his eyes adjusted quickly to see Sam leaning against the bathroom doorframe, staring intently at him.

"Sammy, what the hell am I doing in this chair?" He yelled, though it was high pitched and not all that forceful. He looked down and recognized the familiar symbol on the floor, causing him to grind his teeth together and spit out, "A devil's trap? Really Sam? You think I'm some demon?!"

Sam walked over, and Dean got a faceful of water. He assumed holy water. And a quick taste determined the salt mixed in with it.

"Can the make-believe be over now? Let me go!" Dean jumped around, but the chair was bolted, and he was tied fairly tight. "Sam! What the hell is going on!"

"You tell me," he said calmly, his face blank. "What are you? Where's Dean?"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Goddammit, Sammy, _I am Dean_!"

Sam shifted uncomfortably and walked into the bathroom, pulling out a small mirror in front of Dean's face, making his eyes widened. Instead of seeing his handsome self staring back, there was mousy brown, curly hair, red lips, a slightly pointed nose, long black lashes, and ivory smooth skin.

"I'm...a _girl_?!" Dean roared.

"Now that we are on the same page, you can tell me where my brother is, and we can promise you a less painful death." Sam smiled dryly, crossing his arms.

"Sammy, you have to listen to me, it was Eve. I-I had a dream, and she said she was going to send out an Alpha and take something away from me as revenge...something I...overlook..." Dean looked back in the mirror, and realized how much he did overlook his manhood. Where he could do whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He felt a heavy weight pull on his chest, but looking down, he assumed it was his newly prominent bosom.

"Eve is back in purgatory. Nice try though." Sam walked away and over to the table. Dean's eyes widened even more. He knew what toys were on that table, and he started to panic.

"Sammy! Sammy its me, I swear to God! I...I drive a '67 Impala, my baby. You...uh...you gave me a necklace for Christmas once that you meant for dad, and it turned out to be some device to locate God, but I threw it away because I thought God didn't care anymore. I mean I'm still pretty hazy...but that's not the point! I've been to hell and heaven and...and..."

"And you're just pissing me off," Sam muttered, stalking over with a butcher knife that he gripped with white knuckles. He said through clenched teeth, "Start talking."

"Sammy...this isn't you man..." Dean frowned, sizing up his brother.

Sam raised the knife, and Dean closed his eyes tightly, and said one quick prayer, praying harder than he ever had in his life...

...and then there was that familiar fluttering of wings.

"You called," Cas said gruffly.

Sam turned to face him, completely off guard. "...excuse me?"

"You prayed for me, and here I am." He stated, moving forwards and keeping eyes locked with Sam, who knitted his eyebrows in confusion.

"No I didn't."

"I did," Dean said, relieved. "I have never been happier to see you Cas."

The angel gave him a puzzling look, "I don't know you. How did you know how to summon me?"

"C'mon, it's not exactly that hard. Praying for an angel? That's a little cheesy, don't you think? Besides, I'm Dean! I call you up all the time,"

Dean beamed, looking between Sam and Cas and finally resting his gaze on his brother. "Do you believe me now?"

Sam rubbed his temple and glanced at Cas, "Do you mind looking into her? See if she's lying or not?"

Cas nodded and stared at Dean hard, making him shift in his seat and look away. Castiel blinked and stated, "I don't know how, but that is Dean."

"Finally! Now untie me, I have a beer to finish."

* * *

Dean finished his beverage and smiled triumphantly. "That tastes so much better, I can't even begin to tell you."

"Females are supposed to be better intuned with their senses, so you are probably tasting more of the beer now then when you were a man." Cas said matter-of-factly.

"So wait, Eve did this to you?" Sam asked, still trying to figure it out.

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yea, yea, she set an Alpha on me, and took away my man stuff!"

"I've never heard of an Alpha that can switch genders..." Sam muttered.

"It has happened before." Cas said, never taking his eyes off Dean. "It is rare, but the Alpha shapeshifter has the ability to change others without changing them to shifters. Only the Alpha can do it."

"And how exactly do you know this?" Dean asked him, eyebrow raised.

Cas squinted at him, making heat rise to Dean's face, and he replied, "I've read all of Bobby's books. One of them mentioned something."

"Well fantastic. Did it say how to change back?" Sam asked very tiredly.

"Not exactly."

Dean frowned. "What do you mean exactly?"

"You need to make an Alpha shapeshifter change you back within seventy two hours."

"Or what? I'm stuck with lady parts?"

"You'll be stuck with more than just the female anatomy, but yes."

Dean sighed. "Awesome. Where do we start looking?"

Sam rubbed his chin and looked at Cas, "Changing Dean...would it be a hard process for the Alpha?"

"I don't know about the process, but it would require a lot of energy." He replied slowly. "Which means it would-"

"Have to settle down." Sam said, a lightbulb practically glowing over his head. "And once it regains energy, it's going to want to start to repopulate, like that last Alpha did." He stood abruptly. "I'm going to do some research, make a few calls, see if I can find anything remotely close to something like that." And with that, he left.

Dean shrugged and stood, walking over to the fridge, pulling out a foil-wrapped, half eaten burger from the night before. He unwrapped it and took a bite, his smile widening with each chew.

"What is it about cooked beef that makes you so happy?" Cas asked, his eyes studying Dean's expressions as he quickly finished off the rest of the sandwich. "Jimmy Novak had a taste for it as well...I remember." He stiffened and looked away, remembering a time he really wanted to forget.

"It's just so..._juicy_." Dean licked his lips, thinking about another burger. He felt like he hadn't eaten for a month. "It's like having a little slice of heaven."

"But that's impossible. Heaven isn't a physical thing, it's a-"

Dean held up a finger. "Cas. Don't ruin this for me."

The angel stopped talking.

Dean turned on the motel TV, and found some good old Casa Erotica. He smiled to himself and leaned against the wall on the bed. Castiel stayed seated at the table; he remembered his last experience with porn, and though he oddly enjoyed it, it was a feeling he wasn't too keen on bringing back up.

Dean watched it, but found it boring. _Boring._ He frowned, waiting for the response he was used to, and then his jaw set.

"Dammit!" He groaned, hitting the back of his head against the wall.

"What is it?" Cas asked, mildly concerned.

"I guess with my body goes the feeling of chicks turning me on." He sighed, shutting the TV off.

Cas narrowed his eyes. "I don't understand."

Dean practically glared at him. "I'm not attracted to women because I am a woman."

The angel stood, slowly walking over. "But the shapeshifter should only be able to change your physical appearance, not your attraction or repulsion to certain things."

"Well...apparently this one can!"

"Maybe I was mistaken...perhaps this isn't what I thought it was."

"Cas, when have you been wrong before?"

"There have actually been a few times-"

"It was a rhetorical question!"

There was a pause, and Cas said quietly, "I'm sorry Dean. I didn't mean to upset you."

Dean sighed, shaking his head. "No, it's fine. I'm just...really frustrated, that's all."

"Maybe your feminine tendencies to have rapidly changing emotions are coming into play? Or the fact that you over analyze and make things worse?" Cas suggested.

Dean looked up at him, and he stood, staring at him intensely. "...Are you sexist, Cas?"

Cas stiffened. "I don't believe I understand-"

"Cut the crap, Cas! It's a simple question!"

"...No, I don't think so." The angel stared back at Dean, and he disappeared.

"You son of a bitch." Dean muttered, kicking the bed.

Sam walked back inside, "Alright I have good news..." He looked up and stopped. "Uh...where's Cas?"

"The little bastard skipped town. Good riddance!" Dean yelled at the ceiling.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "What happened?"

"I was talking to him, and it turns out, Cas is sexist."

Sam snorted. "Seriously?"

"Seriously! Who would've thought!" Dean huffed. "I must've triggered his true emotions or something."

There was a pause. "Maybe it's not that Cas is sexist..." Sam chuckled to himself.

"What then? What's so funny?"

"Well I was just thinking..." Sam looked at him up and down. "I mean, if you weren't my brother, I'd say you were a pretty hot chic."

"Whoa, dude, gross. Just, just stop, right now." Dean shook his head, squeezing his eyes tightly shut.

"I'm just saying! I mean, remember Cas and the porn? He doesn't exactly know how to deal with sexual situations." Sam grinned.

"Are you saying he...and me..." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. "Shut up asshat. What's your good news?"

Sam had to gain his composure before replying, "There are signs of a few mysterious recent parent murders two states over, so if we haul ass, we can be there by late tonight."

"Alright, sounds like progress. How long did Cas say we have?"

"He said seventy two hours, but that was about five hours after you changed..."

"So the clock's ticking! Let's go before I end up your hot older sister for the rest of my life!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Sorry I didn't say much on the last chapter, I was in a rush to upload the new chapter of this piece of shit fic! Haha!

So I actually just randomly came up with the idea and I was like, well, if I'm going to write it, I might as well upload it too, right? So here you are, my lovely people.

I did sort of change the Alpha lore. Actually, I don't know if I changed it, I just made some crap up to give Dean a reason to be a girl and that crap ended up being in the form of some Alpha shifter.

This is definitely not long; I already have the ending written, so read if you want. Doesn't matter to me :)

Reviews? Maybe? Tell me what you like, hate, comments, concerns, questions, all that lovely feedback :)

Till we meet again, deuces.

-LetMeBeYourHero

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Sam was trying not to smile, but he just couldn't help himself. "You look very...pretty, Dean."

"I swear to God," Dean growled. "If you don't forget this ever happened by the time I'm a guy again, I'm going to beat it out of you."

Sam had made the brilliant suggestion to get Dean more "fitting" clothes, considering his were way too big and, frankly, made for a guy. So Dean's definition of "fitting" was some smaller jeans and a plain t-shirt. But his younger brother _insisted_ that Dean completely looked the part of Sam's "hot, older sister".

So Dean _had_ to get a dress. He did admit, it was more free and felt more comfortable on him. But not only that, he needed a bra and girl's underwear. He felt like a complete freak trying everything on, and he couldn't even look at himself naked in the mirror. It just reeked of all kinds of weird. And Dean was no expert on women's clothing; only on how to get it off. So picking out his new attire was like trying to teach a fish how to fly. Eventually though, Dean got the hang of it, and recognized what type of clothes represented what type of woman. And he had a little fun putting the ensemble together, though he would never, _ever_ admit that to his brother.

It was a strapless dress that hugged his body and went down to about mid-thigh. He got a black leather jacket and matching boots as well, and returned to Sam waiting in the car, and the fight began that dissolved into silence. Soon after they apologized to one another, and everything returned to normal. Or, as normal as the situation would allow.

"Didn't Cas say his favorite color was blue?" Sam asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Indigo." Dean corrected quickly.

"...I'm sorry?"

"It's not blue, Stevie Wonder, it's indigo."

"Indigo...of course...indigo..."

"Is there an echo in the car?"

The younger brother shook his head. "No, I was just stating how you are wearing his favorite color."

Dean's jaw tightened. "So?"

"Nothing, just an...observation."

"Shut up."

Silence began again, and Dean pulled out a new issue of "Busty Asian Beauties" he had picked up at the convenience store right next to where he bought his clothes. He felt Sam roll his eyes, but he didn't care. He was conducting a very important experiment.

Dean began flipping through the pages, looking at the different naked pictures and very erotic things that he had enjoyed in the last issues he had as a guy. But as he looked at the different pictures, they seemed to make him feel..._sorry_ for the girls instead of turned on by them. Dean started getting desperate, and searched for something, _anything_, that would show him he was still part man.

But he ended up throwing the magazine out the window, exhausted and in disbelief.

"...is everything alright, Dean?" Sam asked cautiously, glancing over at him.

Dean sighed and turned to look out the window before replying solemnly, "I wish I knew Sammy."

* * *

Dean and Sam arrived at the shitty motel at midnight, and Sam instantly fell asleep, face down on the bed. Dean got himself some alcohol and went to the bathroom. He grinned. He did look pretty hot.

As he walked out of the bathroom, he saw Cas staring out the motel window. Dean straightened up, and he normally would've liked to beat the bastard to a pulp, but he was just relieved that the angel even came back.

"Are you alright Cas?" Dean asked, sitting down at the table.

"It's nothing you need to concern yourself with," Cas grumbled, not facing him.

Dean sighed. He knew that face of Cas'. "I'll make the coffee."

"Its really fine Dean." Cas insisted.

"Oh is it?" Dean glanced at his brother and nodded his head out the door, and the two stepped out, though Cas never once bothered to look at him. Dean continued loudly, "I didn't realize that your hate towards women wasn't a problem at all and you have it completely under control. How can you even hate them..._us_? Or, I guess, hate women more than men? Aren't angels supposed to be hate everything equally?" Dean's voice was hard and cold, clearly ticked off.

"I don't hate women, Dean." Cas said, getting slightly angry himself.

"Then what do you hate? You seem to be pretty pissed at something lately!"

Castiel finally looked at him, his mouth opened to spit harsh words, but he was completely caught off guard. "Your clothes...they're different."

"Yea, so? I figured I should blend in with the gender."

Cas looked at Dean funny, causing Dean to get rather flustered, but he refused to break the eye contact and back down. The long stare allowed him to notice things in Cas' face he never would've before. Like how one eye was slightly lower than the other, and how his nose tipped up as if he still held a shred of dignity, and that he had never shaven as long as Dean had known him, but his scruff was always perfectly placed along his jaw, never bushy, never smooth. And his eyes were the deepest color of blue, making quite an alluring color. Cas began to talk again, but all Dean heard were the deep rolls in his voice, how his tone was fairly flat, but did occasionally rise and fall to emphasize certain words. Finally, Dean noticed how Cas looked at his hands when he sat down, and he sat with very high shoulders, yet when he stood, he looked slumped over and tired.

The thing that pulled Dean out of his trance was Cas' final comment.

"You look very nice in that dress. Indigo...is my favorite color."

Dean blinked and said without thinking, "I know."

He broke the eye contact to look at the ground, his heart beating rapidly, and he looked back up again, but Cas was long gone.

* * *

"So if my calculations are correct, there are two possible targets for tonight's murders..." Sam trailed off, clicking away at his laptop.  
The Winchesters were at a diner, enjoying their usual breakfast, but Dean could hardly concentrate, simply poking at his bacon. He had gotten minimal sleep, all because of that damn interaction he had had earlier with Cas. He couldn't understand why the angel was acting so strange.

Or, stranger than usual.

Maybe Sam was-

"Dean? Dean are you even listening to me?"

Dean's head snapped up. "I'm sorry Sam, what was that last part?"

Sam gave him a funny look. "Are you feeling alright, Dean?"

"What? Of course I am, just keep talking."

"...as I was saying, you could take one house and I could take another, and we could call up the other if the Alpha arrives at either of our houses. But if he is at yours, Dean, you have to actually _call_ me, alright? You can't go leaving me in the dark again."

"Again?" Dean wrinkled his nose. "When did I ever ditch you on a hunt?" Sam stared at him, unamused, and Dean sighed. "Fine, I cross my heart and hope to die. You wanna pinky swear too? Maybe spit on our hands and shake?"  
Sam rolled his eyes, "You're unbelievable."

"I know, right?" Dean smirked. "Hey we should check out the local bar, see how many guys hit on me in one night."

"Dean, that's just wrong."

"What! It'll be a good way to waste a few hours! The Alpha's pattern isn't to attack until the middle of the night. If we leave at about nine or ten, we will still have plenty of time to make it to the houses and take down this bastard. Kapeesh?"

Sam sighed, defeated. "Whatever. But I'm not defending you if twenty guys come on you at once."

"I'm offended you think I can't handle that!"

* * *

Six o'clock on the dot, just thirty hours until Dean was a woman forever, and the brothers were at a local pub called "The Old Place". Cas hadn't shown back up to explain himself, but Dean pushed the angel out of his mind. He was here to mess with some guys and see the side he never got to see at a bar.

"Are you sure you want to do this," Sam asked for the fifth time that evening as they walked into the noisy atmosphere, the smell of whiskey and sweat mingling and hitting Dean full-force at the door.

He took a deep breath and nodded with a grin. "Hell yea."

Sam got a booth that was towards the back of the room, close to the bathroom and emergency exit. It was a spot Sam was famous for grabbing, considering he had to often help Dean to both doors.

But Dean wasn't going to let that happen tonight.

He was going to stay decently sober so as not to be taken advantage of.

_That would be an awkward situation._

Just as Dean got his first beer, the first guy approached. He was stocky, a little short, with a buzz cut and a thin mustache. Definitely not the type Dean would want if he were an authentic girl.

"Hey sweet stuff, what're you doing here all alone? A little lady like you might draw the wrong crowd if you aren't properly looked after." He winked.

"And what exactly is the wrong crowd?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

He started to say something, but another man cut in, saying, "This guy, love."

Dean turned, and saw a blonde man with wavy locks and a very firm build, tall, with a newly shaven face and broad chin. He was probably a spitting image of a Prince Charming if there ever was one.

_Now that's more like it._

The mustache guy, having been cast out of Dean's mind, sniffed and left, Prince Charming taking his spot next to Dean. "Hi, I'm Ian."

Dean smiled and stuck out his hand, "Anna."

"What a lovely name," Ian smiled. "Can I get you anything, Miss Anna?"

"Actually, another beer would be awesome." He smiled. "Where's your accent from?"

"Oh, I'm from Wales. Transfer student going to the local college."

"You're kidding? Me too!" Dean laughed. "That's so ironic."

"Really? I swear I would've seen you around. Your face is one I wouldn't forget." He winked. "What are you studying?"

Dean's smile faltered and he said quickly, "Law. It's always been a passion."

"Seriously? I'm a senior in law!"

_Goddammit_. Dean refrained from rolling his eyes. This was just his luck.

"Wow, that's so weird." Dean said, and looked at his phone. "Oh, I guess I better get going. I've got a big exam tomorrow, and you know how those go if you get hammered the night before."

"But your next beer just arrived. Please stay. I think you're very lovely, and I'd love to chat some more." Ian smiled softly, causing Dean to melt and give in. He started drinking his second beer, and before he knew it, he was on his third, and then his fourth, and his fifth, until Ian offered to take him home and he could hardly stand.

"Just take me...to my car...carriage" Dean giggled, feeling his stomach wrench, causing his hand to cover his mouth. He looked up at Ian and smiled before adding, "Have we met, Prince Charming?"

"Yes, Anna. I should definitely take you home." Ian insisted, grabbing Dean's elbows.

Dean started to protest, saying how his curfew was midnight and he didn't want his ride to turn into a pumpkin, but he was already being lead out to Ian's car. He plopped down in the passenger seat, and started spewing out the address to his motel. The car started, and they drove, and drove, and drove. Dean didn't notice how far they'd gone; he was fascinated by the angel air freshner in the car.

"I know an angel," Dean slurred.

"Is that so?" Ian replied as if talking to a child.

Dean nodded proudly. "His name's Cas...ti...el...that's a lot of letters, huh?" Dean wrinkled his nose and giggled. "But he's a pretty angel, and he smells like strawberries, even if we just killed something. And he's always very nice to me, even though I treat him like crap."

Ian nodded. "Is this angel your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?" Dean said the word increduously, but then he thought about the word. "He's a friend that's a boy if that's what you mean."

"But there's nothing going on between you two?"

"You mean like kissy stuff and sex?" Dean laughed. "No, he's an angel! Angel's don't do that." Dean looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror. "Sometimes I wish he wasn't an angel."

Eventually the car stopped, but when Ian helped Dean out, they were no where near the town. Instead, they were out in a cornfield.

"This isn't my motel..." Dean said slowly and then he was shoved against the car.

"Oh I know, sweetheart." Ian growled, gripping Dean's hips hard.

"L-Let me go!" Dean yelled, but it was feeble and slurred.

"Just hold still and this won't hurt a bit..."

Dean was about to ask what he was talking about, but Ian began attacking his neck with bites and rough kisses, causing Dean to jump and begin pushing him off. But the harder he tried to push him away, the harder Ian slammed him back into the car.

_Sam was right. I shouldn't have done this._

Ian stripped Dean of his jacket and pushed his dress up to his hips. Dean was becoming sober very quickly now, but he still couldn't overpower Prince Charming. He could say stop as many times as he wanted, but Ian was a sick bastard, and he was going to get what he wanted.

Just as Ian began to take his pants off, there was a flashing bright light, and he was a corpse on the ground. Dean slid down the car and started sobbing. He attempted to gain his composure, but he wasn't that strong. He could deal with ghosts and monsters and angels and demons, but he couldn't stand humans. They were always his weakness.

"Dean?" A deep, familiar voice said.

Dean sniffed and looked up through blurry eyes and he croaked, "Cas?"

The angel knelt down and studied Dean, gently holding his face as he examined the various bruises. "It seems you were taken advantage of."

"Tell me something I don't know," Dean blubbered, wiping his eyes. Cas held two fingers to Dean's forehead, and the pain he was feeling all over his body became numb. Dean leaned against the car, exhausted, and asked quietly, "What did you do to Ian?"

"Only what he deserved." Cas replied in the same tone. He took off his trench coat and wrapped it around Dean's shaking form before picking him up. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, and the angel looked down at Dean's female face, confused.

"Thank you, Cas." Dean said softly, staring up at his savior. "I don't thank you for half the things you do for me and Sam, but thank you for this." Dean cupped Cas' face and kissed his cheek before blacking out.

Castiel continued to stare at Dean Winchester, and the longer he stared, the more he saw past Dean's feminine features and saw the man that lie below: broken, defeated, and curled up in his trench coat. He had only followed Dean because he didn't like what Dean was doing, and he didn't want Dean to do something stupid. Things had gotten out of hand, and he never wanted Dean to be as hurt as he was now, but he was glad that at least he was safe in his arms.

His cheek was tingling from where Dean had pressed his lips to his skin, and he didn't know what to make of it. But as he carried Dean all the way back to the motel, he felt more of the feeling throughout his body, and setting him down in his bed, he knew what the feeling would often be described as.

Castiel lay down next to Dean, but he would only stay like that for a little while.

Dean rolled over and nestled into Castiel's side.

Or...perhaps longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sorry it's short and boring and lame and whatever, but good news, there's going to be one more chapter! It'll be really short and lame and a sickeningly sweet chapter that I'll have to BS for you guys, but I'm willing to do it :)

Not that anyone cares about this story. I'm really just posting for my health.

Haha just kidding not really! Oh, and feel free to check out any of my other stories if you feel so inclined. They're not that long since "long" isn't really my style :)

Deuces.

-LetMeBeYourHero

* * *

Dean's eyes peeled open, and he rubbed them, noticing how it was daylight outside. He was confused; it wasn't typical of him to wake up when it was bright outside. He rolled over to look at the digital clock beside his bed, and his eyes widened.

"It's already ten o'clock?!" He yelled, sitting up, which turned out to be a terrible idea. His head was spinning and he hurt everywhere.

"Dean it's alright, calm down." Sam said, walking over with a cup of water and a tablet dissolving inside it. "We still have fourteen hours."

Dean finished the water and sighed, "I'm so sorry, Sammy, I didn't mean to flake out on you."

"Don't worry, Cas told me everything." Sam said sympathetically.

Dean flinched, not wanting to remember the night before, what little of it he could. "Did you thank him for saving my ass? I can't remember if I did."

"Yes I did...are you alright Dean? That was a really traumatic experience you went through." Sam was starting to sound more like the older brother than Dean.

Dean nodded. "I'll be fine once I'm back to a dude. I just wish I could beat the living crap out of that English prick."

Sam sighed and handed Dean a styrofoam box, "Cas picked this up for you. You're going to need all your strength tonight if you plan to take down that Alpha."

Dean opened the box and stared at the eggs and bacon and hasbrowns, but a thought came to mind that made him instantly lose his appetite. "What happened last night? Did another family die because of me?"

"Dean, it wasn't your fault-"

"The hell it wasn't my fault! I should've watched my alcohol!" Dean punched his pillow.

Sam shook his head, "You had no idea that was going to happen."

"But you did. You warned me about it."

"And yet I didn't stick around to help you out of it." Sam said.

"Sammy," Dean began and sighed. "It was a bad experience. End of story."

His brother nodded and stood, and Dean started to eat the food in front of him. A breeze went through the room from the window, but Dean didn't feel it as much. He looked down at himself, and noticed the tan trench coat wrapped around him. He looked up to see Sam go into the bathroom, and he set his food down to hug the coat tightly. He never felt safer in his life than right then, and he didn't want to lose the feeling.

But he knew that when tomorrow came, things would go back to normal.

And it made him sad. Very sad.

* * *

There were no bars, no parties that night. And, surprisingly, no Cas. Dean tried not to let it bother him that much, be had wanted to see him one more time before the inevitable. There was only one family left that could be possible suspects, so both the brothers were surveying the house. Sam was drifting off, and Dean only had an hour left, so sleep was the last thing on his mind.

"Where are you, you freak of nature." He muttered.

Just as the words left his mouth, he saw a very tall, thin man making his way down the street, heading into the house. Dean slapped Sam's arm, and he jolted awake. Dean pointed out the man, and they slowly got out of the car and followed him into the house.

"How does this work again?" Dean whispered.

"The Alpha has to turn you back," Sam shrugged. "That's all Cas said."

Dean grumbled to himself, and they began looking around for the monster. And that's when they heard the scream from upstairs. The brothers bounded up the steps and began to open the door to the master bedroom when there was an insanely bright white light, and they were knocked onto their backs.

"Cas," they said at the same time before pushing into the door.

The scene wasn't what they expected. Instead of Cas holding an Alpha by the throat and forcing him to give Dean back his man junk, it was the other way around. Cas was kneeling, blood all over his face, an angel's blade held to his throat by the Alpha Shifter.

"Sam and Dean Winchester," the Alpha chuckled slowly. "What an honor it truly is to have you standing before me."

"Let him go," Dean said through his teeth.

"After he tried to put me six feet under? I think I'm good." The Alpha smirked and changed his form, hazing from the janitor he was previously to a spitting image of the angel. "Now let's see why dear little Cassie here didn't want to take me on with you two dragging him down." He closed his eyes, but no one made any sudden moves. That would be suicide.

"Look, just change me back, and we will be on our merry little way," Dean said as nicely as he could manage.

Alpha Cas peeked one eye open and smiled with his pearly white teeth. "That wouldn't solve anything, would it, Dean?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He growled.

The Alpha looked back down at the real angel and hauled him to his feet. "Castiel, be a good sport and tell Dean to stop wasting my time. Or, really, his time. How much longer do you have Dean? Forty five minutes? In a short while you will be stuck as a woman forever." The Alpha smiled. "But you would like that, wouldn't you?"

"Shut up!" Dean barked.

"Dean, what is he talking about?" Sam asked hesitantly.

"He's just running his mouth," Dean lied.

"Oh please, stop trying to shield yourself from your brother. There's no need to be ashamed!" The Alpha grinned. "Embrace it!"

"Embrace what?" Sam asked pleadingly, staring at Dean helplessly.

The Shifter chuckled and answered, "The fact that Dean_ loves_ being a woman."

Sam's eyes widened, and he said slowly, "No...of course Dean doesn't_ like_ it, much less_ love_ it! He loves being a man, and watching porn, and eating whatever the hell he wants, and hitting on women! Back me up Dean!"

Dean's jaw set and he glanced at Cas, causing their gazes to lock. Cas' eyes were soft, curious, waiting for what Dean was about to say just about as much as Dean was. He wished he could step back and let someone else take the wheel, but he couldn't. Not right now. Not ever.

"Sammy, when I became this, I'll admit, it wasn't exactly what I signed up for...But being this way helped me realize what a complete jackass I've let myself been, and you and Cas and everyone else I've ever come across has let me get away with that, but I can't! I can't anymore." He looked at his feet, his shoulders starting to shake. "I've hurt you as my only blood, my own brother, betraying you and planning your death so many times it's disgusting. And Cas..." He finally turned towards the angel, _his_ angel. "Cas, nothing I can say will ever ammend the wrong I've done you. Both in things I've said...and what I haven't." He looked away. "I have to take responsibility. I have to make things right."

"Dean..." Cas rasped, but the other Cas punched him in the gut, knocking the wind out of him. Dean's hand balled into a fist, but he couldn't do anything about it unless he wanted both of them killed.

The Shifter sighed as if bored with all this lovey dovey talk about feelings. "Alright here's the deal. I can change you back...but I get to keep the angel."

"Absolutely not," Dean said forcefully at the same time Cas forced out, "Yes."

"Oh Castiel, I wish it were your decision," the Alpha smiled dryly. "But since it isn't, why don't you do everyone a solid and _shut up_." He shoved Cas to the floor, and Dean had to look away to keep his composure.

Sam pulled his brother aside and whispered, "Dean, this may be our only chance to make you a guy again. To...fix this mess."

"I'm not letting that bastard get Cas." Dean said flatly, never taking his eyes off the Alpha. "Do you have any idea what he will put him through?"

"Nothing you've concerned yourself with before."

Dean winced, hurt deeply, and approached the Alpha. "No deal. Anything else before we slice and dice your ass?"

Alpha Cas dusted off his trench coat and sighed again. "Well I suppose I better change you back before Eve gets impatient."

"...what?" Dean and Sam exchanged odd looks.

"You think I have the power to keep you like that forever? Not making you a shifter means I have to keep you changed, and that's quite tiring. And frankly, it's getting boring. So, by the power invested in me, I will pronounce you man." He smiled. "But on one condition."

"Really? And what's that?" Sam asked snottily.

"Oh I can't tell you, or else it's invalid." He shrugged. "But don't worry, its nothing life threatening or anything, no ten years to live or sign with your own blood or any of that fancy bull crap they have down in hell."

"Then what?" Dean asked.

"You'll just have to trust me," the Alpha smiled broadly. "Or perhaps..." he played with the angel blade and slit it slowly along Cas' cheek, leaving a little cut that blood slowly trickled out of.

Just as the blade reached down and began to press against the angel's neck, Dean yelled, "Alright fine! I'll do it! But only if Cas comes with us."

The Alpha tapped his chin in thought. "Are we still on for the mysterious deal?" Dean nodded reluctantly. He smiled toothily and said, "Perfect."

The Shifter shoved Cas towards the two and Dean caught him by the elbows.

"Wait!" Cas barked, grabbing onto his jacket for support. "Dean, you're not this foolish! Don't throw your life away or anything else he could potentially be asking because you think you are in debt to me!"

"It's not about the huge I.O.U.," Dean said, staring into Cas' scared eyes intently, holding his face close to his. "It's something much deeper than that, Cas. You know that."

Castiel's eyes widened just slightly, and the Alpha groaned, "Are we done here?!"

Dean looked back up at him and nodded, saying, "Yea."

The Alpha beamed. "Fantastic. Ta ta boys."

Dean could feel himself being pulled back, away from Castiel, and he held on tight just long enough to brush his lips against the angel's, and get a slight taste of honey.

And that's when Dean woke up.

* * *

Dean looked in the mirror for a long time before changing out of his pajamas and back into his regular clothes. He searched the fridge, upset to find his burger gone, and instead grabbed a beer, sitting down at the motel room table.

Sam walked into the room, and said, "Hey check out these murders." He tossed him the local paper, and Dean read through it quickly.

"Sounds like...an Alpha Shifter?" Dean asked. "I thought we already cooked that puppy for dinner."

"I thought we did too, but apparently he jumped out of the pan." Sam sighed.

"Awesome," Dean muttered, taking a swig of his beer. "Do you remember getting here? I swore we fell asleep in Pennsylvania."

Sam shrugged. "We must've been exhausted when we got here and just crashed."

"Huh," Dean finished his beer and stood, when suddenly Cas appeared before him.

"Hello Dean," the angel said slowly, staring at him hard.

"Hey Cas." Dean grinned, slapping him on the shoulder, seemingly not noticing. "Did you hear about the Alpha Shifter in town? We were just about to go check it out."

Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Dean..." his sentence trailed off, because looking into Dean's eyes, he saw the deal that the Alpha had wanted.  
And only he could understand the full price.

Dean waited for him to finish, but shook his head before walking out the door with Sam hot on his heels. The angel could only watch the brothers go, and he reached up, touching his cheek, wishing that he could feel what he felt two nights ago. That tingling sensation that made him cradle Dean and offer up his life to him. Or, even better, just hours before Dean was stripped away from him, that little..._collision_ that he certainly would not forget any time soon. He had tasted the beer and beef from earlier that day, but also the gentle nature of Dean Winchester that Castiel was rarely exposed to, along with the sweet affections that come from feeling love.

Castiel could _feel_ the love emanating from the hunter, even in the very brief moment that they were one. That was how powerful it was, and he wished that he could pause time at that moment, or go back and live it a thousand more times just to understand what _really_ happened.

Perhaps he had an inkling of the feeling when he had pulled Dean out of hell, branding him with his fleshy hand print. And maybe that inkling had been growing all that time inside him, so slowly that he hadn't even realized it was there, making him subconsciously do things for Dean out of this feeling, and these past few days had set of a spark inside him like nothing before because he realized, deep down, it wasn't a one-sided feeling. And he wanted to explore the feeling with Dean when he was back to being Dean Winchester, to experience it over and over and over, to fully understand a human's weakness from the perspective of being in the same position. Castiel desired the want, the lust, and, most importantly, the love.

But he couldn't have any of it now.

Because Dean didn't remember being a woman. He didn't remember Castiel saving him, and sleeping by his side, and keeping Castiel safe even if it was his life on the line, and desperately reaching out for him at the last moment to achieve that moment of touch that kept Castiel so...lost.

But Castiel could remember the memories so vividly, the details so perfectly, and they _hurt_. They hurt like nothing the angel had experienced before, causing an ache to form in his breast that spread throughout his body, like a desire that needed to be fulfilled or he'd die from the sheer thought of not having it.

And Castiel wanted it to stop.

But how could he, unless he wanted to forget the memories?

Castiel refused to forget the memories, even if they tormented him for eternity. They were the only things in his mind that gave him a true purpose, and there were no questions about that purpose when he thought back on them. But mostly, he didn't want to forget Dean. Dean was his best friend, the human he would die for, _had_ died for, and the human that had died for him. They were connected in a way Castiel did not understand, and perhaps Dean would never know it, but the angel would.

However, Castiel didn't want to risk these discoveries getting in the way of what was truly important. So he tucked them in the back of his mind, to look upon when he was alone, sitting by himself and thinking of what kept him going, and he flew off. He wanted to distance himself from the Winchester, and to stop interactions with them..._him_. He didn't expect to be able to work with him and not allow the job to be compromised. Sadly, this thought lead Castiel to a dark place. But he was too far gone at that point for help.

Dean didn't realize he had lost something precious because he never realized he had it.

He had Castiel in the palm of his hand, willing to give up _everything_ for him.

But now he didn't have him at all.

Now he had nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **I'm a bit pressed for time, so I'm going to make this short and sweet. Like the chapter!

It's weird and lame and whatever and I apologize. I just wrote this cuz I was bored to be honest.

Hope it sums everything up for you or whatever. I might write more because I love it so much so we'll just have to wait and see ;)

Have a lovely day my peeps.

-LetMeBeYourHero

* * *

Cas didn't follow the brothers when they left, so they assumed he had angelic business or whatever. They got in the Impala and drove to the closest diner to order breakfast and allow Sam time to fill Dean in on extra boring details he didn't really care about but were still vital to the case somehow.

_As long as I get to kill something_, Dean reasoned with a smile.

The two began surveying the menu when a bubbly waitress came over and smiled sweetly at Dean, her uniform a size too small for comfort, her hair a shade too blonde for natural, and her makeup a bit too heavy for casual. "What can I start you off today with, sugar?"

"Just some pancakes and coffee." Dean ordered, giving her a brief smile before becoming fascinated with his cell phone. Sam ordered the same thing, and when she walked away, Sam smirked and said, "I think she likes you."

"Yea, it's pretty obvious." Dean looked at her and she looked back at him and winked, swaying her hips in what was supposed to be a flirtatious way. He quickly took his eyes off the horror show and barely refrained from wrinkling his nose in disgust. "I think I'm good man."

Sam raised an eyebrow and glanced back at her. "Seriously? That's like your main source of prey right there. A slutty girl just waiting for you to ravish her senseless."

"First off, never, ever, _ever_ use the word 'ravish' again, or I will disown you as a brother. Secondly, I am not _only_ into women that put out. Sometimes I like a good chase."

Sam laughed, "You definitely drank way too much last night."

"Shut up," Dean muttered, and said nothing when the waitress brought back the food. She clearly expected at least a glance, but he didn't even offer that. She walked off unhappily and Sam gave him an odd look, but Dean had already finished his first cup of coffee. He shook his head before he began eating.

"Aren't you going to put something on that?" Sam asked. "You hate pancakes dry."

Dean had hardly noticed. He looked around on the table, but there was only salt, pepper, ketchup, and honey. Dean glanced at the waitress, about to ask her to bring some syrup, but wasn't feeling up to calling her back and her happy, flirty mood ruin his meal. He just felt so..._uncomfortable_ in her presence. Instead, he reached for the honey.

"...Honey?"

"Are you going to criticize everything I do today?" Dean barked, the tone of his voice telling his brother to shut up and leave him alone.

Sam looked down at his food and continued eating in silence while Dean sighed heavily and poured two packets of honey over his pancakes before digging in. Just as the first bite of honey-covered breakfast passed his lips, he felt a sting in his heart.

Images began flashing before his eyes, like a slide show going fast, but it seemed to have a trend, and that was his angel friend, appearing before him. First they were in a motel room, talking; then outside a different motel, yelling; then in a cornfield, Cas carrying him in his trench coat; and finally, a confrontation, Cas beaten and bruised, ending with an extended picture of them lip-locked.

Dean dropped his fork and it clattered onto his plate, his hand clawing at his chest. He had never felt pain like this before, and that's saying something for the crap he's experienced.

_What the hell was that?!_

"Dean? Dean are you alright?" Sam asked, worriedly.

Dean shook his head and couldn't make himself talk, but fell out of the booth and stood slowly before he began stumbling towards the door, leaving Sam to scramble to keep up with him and explain everything while also paying for the meal. Dean forced the door open, though the action was excruciating. It was as if his body was allergic to the honey he just had, the ounce or so in that once bite, but it was..._compelling_ him to go somewhere.

And two things were burning in his mind.

Cas. And that _kiss_.

Dean didn't know if the angel was in trouble or what was giving him his exact location and perfect directions to it along with these odd images he couldn't shake, but his gut was screaming to go to where Cas was, and his gut was usually right.

When he started the car, Sam was running down the street towards him, shouting his name. Dean looked into his rearview mirror to watch him approach, and he apologized mentally to his little brother and drove off, clutching his chest that hurt a little bit less. He drove for what seemed like days, his agony warping the time while also rethinking over and over what he had briefly seen, but it was only a few hours. Dean pulled off the highway and onto a dirt road that he followed until it would go no more. He started clambering through the woods, his hand clutching the skin over his heart, the heart that hurt so insanely bad, almost like an ache that could never be cured.

Finally Dean came across a roaring waterfall, like the one he had pictured all the way there, and he saw Cas standing on the edge of the cliff, peering down into the abyss below, his arms spread out wide, an angel blade clutched tightly in his right palm. He was yelling to the sky in Enochian, but Dean knew what he was going to do. It wasn't hard to figure out.

"Cas...no..." Dean croaked, barely above a whisper, and walked forward with his free hand outstretched, shaking slightly. He felt heavier with every step closer to the angel, and his pain grew ten fold, but whatever spell was trying to keep him away, he wasn't going to let it beat him. Not if Cas was planning something so idiotic.

The roar of the waterfall was almost deafening, but Dean powered through, as he always did. Just as his fingers were inches away from grabbing the angel's trench coat, Cas jumped. Dean, wide-eyed and panicked, jumped after him, and grabbed him tightly, squeezing his eyes shut to wait for the inevitable.

But when a painful smack never came, he peeled his eyes open cautiously, and he was back at the top of the cliff, still clinging to Cas, who stared down at him like he was seeing a ghost.

"Dean?" Cas said slowly, untangling himself from Dean. "How...did you find me?"

"Screw the details, Cas, what the hell were you thinking!" He roared, pushing him away.

Cas' eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I believe my intentions were-"

"Yes, they were crystal clear! But why?! Why were you going to commit angel _suicide_?" Dean was breathing heavily, staring at his best friend in disbelief, and that picture of Cas carrying him made him add in a more friendly tone, "Especially without saying goodbye first."

Cas sighed and looked off to the side, up, down, anywhere but at Dean. "It didn't matter if I said goodbye or not. I wanted your last memory of me to be one of peace."

"Peace? How the hell is talking about a job in a damn motel room one of _peace_?!" Dean yelled, his hands balled into fists. He could hardly look at the angel, but he demanded answers, and wasn't going to back down until he got them. "Just tell me why, Cas."

Cas shook his head and met Dean's hard stare. "I can't."

"Why?" He growled.

"Personal reasons," Cas nodded and Dean turned his back on him.

There was a silence that stretched from moments to minutes, and Dean's shoulders slowly began to shake. And the little shaking began to become more violent, and the very distinct sounds of sobs were coming from the Winchester boy.

Castiel didn't know what to do. "I'm...truly sorry, Dean."

Dean whipped around, tears pouring down his cheeks from red and puffy eyes, giving him a look that cut right through Cas' hard physique. "Sorry? That's all you have to say for yourself?! Cas, do you have _any_ idea what you killing yourself would've done to Sam, or Bobby, or..._me_?!"

Castiel looked down, his lids hanging over his eyes in embarrassment, but didn't answer. He wanted to say things he wished Dean would want to hear, but those things remained locked in the very back of his mind.

"Cas?" The angel still didn't meet his gaze, and Dean had just about had it. He walked over and grabbed his face forcefully, shoving his mouth over Cas'.

Castiel was taken back at first, staring at the boy, whose eyes were shut tightly, so tight it seemed painful. Castiel studied the change in his expression as the kiss continued, from rage and pain to relief and happiness, but still pain. So much pain. And all Castiel wanted to do at that moment was take away Dean's pain. He gently reached up and caressed Dean's face, a soothing gesture he had learned from watching many human lovers, and kissed him back as well as he could manage. If his wings were tangible objects, he would've wrapped them around him to hug him even closer, keep him safe from everything, and to be with Castiel wherever he went, because he certainly never wanted to leave Dean ever again.

But for now, being enveloped in the Winchester's warmth was good enough.

It showed that Dean cared as well. Almost as much as he did.

The two separated for air, and Dean's hands slid down to grasp Cas' trench coat collar tightly, tears streaming down his cheeks. Castiel thought this was an odd reaction, and he almost panicked thinking that he had hurt him even more.

Dean managed to choke out, "Don't you dare leave me again, you selfish bastard."

Castiel stared into his dark eyes, and he saw the memories flash in them. He nodded obediently, and Dean hugged him tightly, wrapping his arms completely around the angel. Castiel felt so comforted by this, so incredibly overwhelmed with rejuvenated emotions, that when Dean backed off just slightly, he went in for another kiss. However, this one was hungrier and more lustful, but that didn't stop Dean from obliging happily.

Castiel and Dean walked back to the car in silence. When their eyes met, and the angel no longer saw the pain in Dean's eyes that he had seen before, he finally understood love.


End file.
